When tendencies differ

Which difference should you discuss?

Choose one difference that affects how you spend time together. Who wants to set the direction? Who wants more confirmation? Use a recent example so your partner knows what you mean.

Skip “you always” as an opening line. Describe what happened this time. Then explain what you want next time. Give your partner something they can answer.

How do you make an expectation concrete?

Say which part you want to take responsibility for. Explain what support you want from your partner. State the scope you accept. Be just as clear about what you do not accept.

Ask your partner to repeat what they understood, then hear their expectation. Understanding is not consent. Once the meaning is clear, each of you still needs to decide what you want.

Do you have to try an arrangement?

No one needs to push past a limit to fit a type. A tendency is no excuse to pressure your partner. You can revisit an existing agreement. Either person can withdraw consent.

Pause the arrangement you have not agreed on. Leave the unresolved point open. If you need time, say that you are stopping here for now. Do not read silence as approval.

What can the report add?

The report puts differences into view so you can talk about them. It cannot predict relationship success or decide who should give way. Both of you still need to explain your expectations.

Use one dimension as the starting point. Ask “Have I understood that?” after talking. Decide the next step together. A result does not set your pace.

Do big differences mean we do not fit?

Big differences do not settle whether you fit together. Start with your respective Dom and Sub values, then compare each dimension. Pick one difference and ask what each of you wants. The report cannot predict relationship success. Any arrangement needs informed consent from both of you. Either person can stop at any time.

What do the three types mean?

Dom describes a preference to lead and take responsibility. Sub describes a preference to entrust the lead to someone you trust. The right to say no stays yours. Switch describes preferences on both sides. Changing roles depends on what both of you want and agree to.

Is one type better than another?

Types are not a ranking. Dom, Sub, and Switch describe tendencies. Clear communication, boundaries, and informed consent from both people matter more than a label.

How do we agree on a safeword?

A safeword is a word you both agree to use for a pause or stop. Set your boundaries and agree on exactly what the word means. Either person can withdraw consent at any time.